


If Only This Wasn’t Real

by Sarasvati1920



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Multi, Sick Character, hurt Mike Ross
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-05-03 13:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14570229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarasvati1920/pseuds/Sarasvati1920
Summary: I was horribly disappointed with the season finale of suits. Where was the witty Mike Harvey banter? Where was the heart felt goodbye? Then I got a little niggle in my brain I couldn’t get rid of until I started writing. Mike is sick and his friends (family) are there to support him. Nothing too intense but enough to show how intertwined they all are.Mike and Rachel are living together but not married in this fic.If you like it and want  me to keep going let me know!I do not own Mike Ross or Harvey Specter and any one in the suits world. I just like to take them out to play.





	1. I don’t need a babysitter

Mike sat in Harvey’s couch. He was shuffling through papers on his lap. “Harvey, I think it would be easier for me to work on this at my desk?”

“No” Harvey replied. Not looking up from his laptop. “I need you here. I have too many things on my plate right now and I don’t want to have to hunt you down”

“Hunt me down?!, Harvey I will be at my desk AND you have an expert blood hound” he motioned towards Donna. Who looked up. She heard everything.

“Drop it Mike” warned Harvey

“Wait.” Mike sat back and put the papers on the table. “Is this about you needing help or is this… shit, did Rachel call you?”

“What? No!. …Stop” said Harvey without looking up from his laptop.

“Harvey?” Mike shouted

“She called Donna”, Harvey said reluctantly.

With That Mike was standing up. “What the hell?! don’t need a goddam babysitter!”

“Dammit Mike!” Harvey slammed his lap top and walked over to Mike. He noticed Donna get up “stay out of it Donna!” Harvey snapped.

“Well it’s a good thing that I’m not a goddamn babysitter then!” Harvey was looking directly into Mike’s eyes. The kid looked exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was pale, there was a light sheen on his forehead. He was wearing his best suit though, as if he was trying to make up for something.

“Harvey, I just don’t like feeling like…”with that Mike swayed a little. Harvey was close enough to grab his elbow and lower him back to the couch. 

Harvey opened a bottle of water and placed it in Mike’s hands. They were shaking so much that he couldn’t hold onto it very well. Harvey helped him bring it to his mouth. “Here, take a slow slip”

After Harvey had taken the bottle Mike leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. Harvey was sitting next to him, turned sideways to face him.

Mike looked so young all of a sudden. Harvey had an urge to touch his forehead. But he didn’t.

“Mike. I am only going to say this once”

“Ugh. Not the only say this once speech… Harvey can I have a minute?” Mike said without opening his eyes.

“No. Jack Ass. I am not here to babysit you. Did it ever occur to you that I missed you yesterday and that I may need your help today?

“No” Mike grumbled

“AND did it ever occur to you that I was worried about you?” Harvey took a breath … “Mike this is serious shit. I know you have Rachel but…” Harvey looked down at his hands. “You also have Donna and I”

Mike opened his eyes and looked over at Harvey just as Harvey looked up.

“I’ve got you Mike, so if you are having a rough day tell me. Because shit like this is going to happen. You can’t ignore it or wish it away. Let’s figure out how to make this work”

“And if that means Princess works in my office to watch out for fainting spells, then that’s it”, Harvey smiled.

Mike laughed….”it was not a spell. It was a manly sway”

“Yeah, yeah, tell yourself what you need to Princess. “ Harvey patted Mike’s leg. “Relax for a little bit then we will dive back into the Henderson briefs”.

“Thank you Harvey, I’m sorry”

“You have nothing to apologize for kid”.

\--------------

Mike ended up falling asleep for most of the afternoon. Donna kept saying that he should be resting at home.

“Probably Donna, but at least we are here to keep an eye on him. Have Rachel come get him after class. The office will be emptier then. And Donna, don’t let anyone in.

“Of course Harvey.” Donna had placed some orange juice and a sandwich near Mike for when he woke up.

Harvey was completely engaged in his work and hadn’t noticed the time, he was startled when Rachel entered his office.

“Mike?” she said. That one word was drenched in worry.

She sat next to him and ran her fingers through his hair, he barely stirred.

“Harvey, how long has he been like this?”

“About two hours. He was a little unsteady on his feet earlier. After that he’s just been sleeping.”

Rachel sighed and touched Mike’s face,” he feels warm”.

“How was he yesterday Rachel?” Harvey was walking towards her.

“I meant to call I just…wanted to give you two some time” , he said.

“It’s ok, it was hard. He’s so stubborn and he’s trying so hard to pretend that everything is fine.” Her voice quivered.

She put her face in her hands and started to cry. Donna heard and was by her side instantly draping her arm around her.

The only sound in the room was of Rachel’s quiet sobs.

Harvey sat on the table across from Mike. “How about we get you guys home, I’ll order us some dinner. Sound good Donna?”

Donna looked up at Harvey with tears in her eyes. “That would be perfect,” she said.

Harvey really surprised her sometimes.

“Alright you lazy bum, time to get up,” Harvey shook Mike’s knee. 

Mike opened his eyes slowly and saw Rachel and Harvey staring at him…”what? What happened?”

They laughed quietly. “What happened is you have been snoozing on my couch for the afternoon and now it’s time to go. Donna can you have Ray meet us?”

Rachel Kissed Mike on the cheek, he felt like a furnace. “Let’s get you home?” she whispered.

Mike just nodded but when he tried to stand he fell back down. Rachel could not help the tears that slid down her face.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s not a race.” Harvey said calmly. He could tell Mike was anxious about his inability to stand up.

Harvey went to Mike’s right side and grabbed his elbow, he put his other hand around Mike’s waist, Mike felt thinner already.

“It’s alright to need help, remember Mike?” Harvey said playfully to lighten the mood.

“ha!” Mike laughed. Harvey would be the last one to accept help.

“Yeah, yeah” Harvey laughed. He knew exactly what Mike was thinking.

Rachel walked to the other side of Mike, she had his messenger bag and phone. Once in the elevator Mike leaned against the wall and Harvey let go of him. Rachel stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. She placed her head on his chest. The rhythm was steady and strong. 

Mike responded by pulling her close in his arms.

“Everything is going to be fine Mike” she whispered into his shirt.

Mike took a breath and rested his cheek on her head, he sighed. “I really hope that’s true”.

Harvey could actually feel his heart break a little. The elevator door opened and Rachel with her arms still around Mike helped him to the car.

Once at the apartment Rachel helped Mike change into sweats. The four of them hung out in the living room and waited for the take out. 

“You know Mike,” Harvey started.

“At some point we do need to tell Jessica and Louis.”

“Harvey, I can’t” Mike replied.

“Mike, I can do it for you, but they need to know. “

“I can’t! Mike yelled. He stood up and went to face the window.

Harvey stood up and joined him. Donna grabbed Rachel’s hand to keep her from moving. “Let him” she whispered.

“Why? Why can’t you Mike?” Harvey’s tone was urgent not gentle.

“Because”, he took a breath. “Because then it’s real Harvey.” Another pause “Once everyone knows, it’s real!”

Harvey didn’t think. For once he didn’t think. He just reacted. He grabbed Mike by the shoulder, turned him around and hugged him.

“It is already real Mike. But so is this. SO are the people who care about you. We are all in this together” .Harvey said this clearly and matter of factly. It was the truth there was no space for hesitation.

Mike could not hold it together any longer. It was like something exploded in his chest. All of the fear, and anger he had been pushing down all erupted. He felt like there was no air in the room and he gasped and sobbed against Harvey’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for atleast 10 minutes. Harvey was holding him so tight that he was the only thing keeping Mike upright, Harvey’s arms were burning but he didn’t let up. Not until Mike was ready.

“I need to sit” Mike said quietly.

Five minutes later dinner arrived. They ate and tried to keep the conversation a little lighter, talking about the time Louise was practicing ballet in the conference room. They were all laughing when Mike suddenly interjected. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will tell them”. Everyone stopped laughing.

“Mike?” Rachel placed her hand over his. ‘You sure you want to do this tomorrow?”

“Like Harvey said” and Mike smiled at Harvey

“Me keeping this a secret inset going to make it go away, I have to face it if I want to fight it…. And I intend to fight it.” Mike smiled at Rachel

Harvey laughed and looked down. Rachel wrapped her arms around Mike and kissed his neck.

“Yeah you are” she said.

Donna got up and went over to Mike. She held his face in both her hands. “Michael Ross, you are a bad ass” and she kissed his cheek. 

“Well first thing tomorrow you and I will sit down with Jessica and Louis” Harvey said, his eyes were slightly red, Donna could tell all that he was holding back.

“I’m proud of you Mike” Harvey put his hand on Mikes head.

“Ray and I will pick you up in the morning.”

Rachel walked Donna and Harvey to the door

“Thank you both. I don’t think I could have convinced him on my own.”

“He just needs to realize that we are all here, we all care,” Donna said as she hugged her.

Harvey kissed Rachel on the cheek. “I’ll get him through tomorrow, try not to worry.”

 

Rachel returned to find Mike already asleep on the couch. She sat on the coffee table and just watched him for a moment, she watched the way his chest rose and fell, how his eye lashes had splashes of blond, how his lips curved up at the corners. She loved him more than she could have imagined possible… she kept repeating to herself. ‘He is strong. He will beat this. He is so strong’.

She ran her finger tips across his forehead. “Mike, come on sleepy, lets go to bed.”

He opened his eyes and she felt herself melt a little, those blue eyes...she felt like she could drown in them. He had this ability to look both utterly innocent and devastatingly handsome at the same time.

“Were you watching me sleep?” he asked in mock dismay.

“Maybe, just a little? I like looking at you.” She leaned over and kissed his lips… “Let’s go to bed, you have a big day tomorrow.”


	2. It’s About Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike tells Jessica and Louis..but Harvey’s got his back

At 7:30 the next morning Harvey was once again standing outside their door, Rachel opened it as she was pulling on beige ballet flat. “Oh Hey Harvey, I was just headed to class.”

“Come in, Mike is in the kitchen.”

Harvey found Mike arranging three pill vials on the counter. It’s the breakfast of champions” Mike said as he palmed all three pills. “Ya, well. It is now” he half laughed.

“Good to know you are still laughing at your same lame ass jokes” Harvey smirked

Rachel came in and hugged Mike from behind. “Have a good day, I’ll call you after class”

Mike turned to her and kissed her gently, “I will”

They locked eyes for a moment before she nodded and grabbed her bag. 

“Bye boys!” she waved

Harvey raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Mike asked in reply

“You are a lucky son of a bitch, you know that?”

Harvey glanced to where Rachel had been.

Mike looked down and smiled. “I am. I really am”.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

By 8:15 they were walking to Jessica’s Office where they were meeting Jessica and Louis, Harvey stopped Mike by grabbing his shoulder. “Ok?” he asked.

“Yes. I am ready to get this done” Mike said confidently.

“Ok then”, Harvey smiled and slapped Mike’s shoulder. He felt a so proud of Mike. He knew he was nervous but he was doing his best to conceal it. Personal issues are never easy to deal with at work, especially something that had potential to be so tragic.

 

Jessica was at her desk when they entered.

“All right boys, what’s this all about? What did you do now? “She asked without looking up from her laptop.

Harvey spoke up, “let’s wait for Louis so we only have to do this once.”

Harvey and Mike sat on the chairs across from Jessica’s sofa. Mike was bouncing his leg nervously.

Louis entered just as Jessica came to join them.

“What are you all up to? Because whatever they said…I” Louis said defensively as he took a seat next to Jessica.

“Louis, Stop!” Harvey interrupted. “This is not about you. For once.”

“Oh” Louis shirked.

Mike took an audible breath, “Harvey is right. This is not about any of you. It’s about me.

There I something I have been keeping from you. And….”

“Oh god…what else?” Louis interrupted

“Louis!” Harvey barked. “Please just shut your mouth and let Mike talk.” Harvey nodded at Mike

“I’m just going to say it. I have cancer”. Mike took a deep exhale, Harvey could feel how the kid was about to shatter next to him. He placed his hand and his shoulder and squeezed.

Harvey immediately started talking before Jessica or Louis could say anything. “It’s lymphoma, the odds are good. Treatment is chemo once a week and he started last week. He has Chemo on Tuesday afternoons and he will be working from home on Wednesdays. I may be out some Tuesday nights and Wednesdays as needed for a bit.”

Harvey took a breath and squeezed Mikes shoulder again. “Everything is going to fine. He is going to be fine.” Harvey kept his hand on Mike’s shoulder as he said this. He said it with such confidence and authority that Mike almost believed it.

Mike sniffled and a tear slide down his cheek, he was overwhelmed but he was also moved by Harvey. He really did have his back.

 

“Mike” Jessica spoke up “I am so sorry, whatever we can do, whatever you need...it’s done”

Louis was shocked. He had his hand over his face as he sobbed. “Shit Mike, I’m so sorry. Yes, whatever we can do. Who is your doctor? Do you have the best?”

“Louis of course he has the best.” Harvey responded.

“I think that’s all there is to say now, let’s just have a normal work day ok?” Harvey said knowing that Mike just wanted do get out of there.

They all stood up, Jessica grabbed Mike’s hand and didn’t say a word, she just smiled at him.

Harvey walked with Mike back to Mike’s office. “Well that’s done, now to concentrate on getting better.”

“Yeah, piece of cake” Mike smiled back at Harvey.

“Alright, let’s head out to the Mcterney meeting at 11. We can get lunch after.” Harvey said. He made it his mission to make sure Mike was eating enough. It was one tangible thing he could do.

Mike spent the next couple of hours working on the Mcterney case. He was actually able to focus pretty well. Maybe he could do this he thought. It would just be one or two bad days each week. He could deal with that.

The meeting went well. Mike impressed the clients with his recall of the facts without once taking out their file. Afterwards Harvey and Mike had picked a small steak house for lunch.

“Trying to fatten me up Harvey”

“What?”

“I distinctly remember you saying that steak was not for lunch.”

“Yeah , well things change,” Harvey laughed.

Once they were seated Mike was quiet for a moment before he said “you know Harvey… I think...”

“Don’t try to hard Mike…your brain isn’t used to it…you might have an aneurysm” Harvey said playfully.

“Seriously Harvey, I think I can really do this”.

Harvey just raised his eyebrows.

“Honestly for the past few weeks I have been in this headspace that I needed to prepare, that I was going to die and…”

“Mike.” Harvey interrupted

“But,” Mike said “I realized today that I can do this. I have Rachel and you and Donna. And I know the hardest part is going to be admitting when I need help but if I can do that…I feel like I can make it.”

Harvey was just looking at him. “That may be the smartest thing you have ever said Mike. Let’s toast to that.” They clinked their water glasses. Harvey’s gesture of not drinking scotch was not lost on Mike.

“You know Mike, I am not good at the emotional stuff”

Mike laughed and almost choked on his water

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean. But what I am trying to tell you is… I am here for you, whenever whatever you need.”

Mike nodded just as their lunch arrived. They ate and laughed. Things almost felt normal except that he felt closer to Harvey than he ever had before. Maybe some good would actually come out of this, for everyone.

————————————-  
At 6:22pm Mike stepped out of Ray’s car just as Rachel’s cab was pulling up. “I see you have your own driver now Mr. Ross.” “Yeah well I am kind of a big deal” Mike said as he kissed her on the cheek.

“So how did it go? I’m sorry I couldn’t call you between classes.”

“It’s ok. It went well. Harvey was with me, I don’t think I would of gotten through it otherwise”.

“I’m pretty sure you can do anything Mike.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. She kept looking at him as they walked to elevator. He looked tired. He probably hadn’t recovered from chemo yet and today must have been hard.

Once in the elevator she stood in front of him and held his face in her hands. “I am so proud of you. I love you.” She kissed him softy on the lips and he buried his face in her neck. 

“Thank you” he whispered. She was right. He was exhausted. And now that he was home, with her he could let himself feel it. When they got to their floor she kept her arm around his waist.

“I’m so tired” he said as they entered the apartment. 

“I know, come on let’s get you into something more comfortable and I’ll make us dinner”

“Oh Miss Zane are you trying to seduce me?”

“Well maybe if I could be sure you wouldn’t pass out on me”

“Ha…true. Sad but true...” he smirked but there was a touch of sadness in his voice. 

Mike sat on the edge of the bed and Rachel threw a tee shirt and sweats at him.

“Get changed. I’m going to go start dinner”, she said as she put on a tee and shorts of her own.

 

20 minutes later dinner was on the table. But Mike hadn’t appeared from the bedroom yet.

“Mike! Dinner!” no response

Mike! Still nothing. Rachel started to panic as she ran to the bedroom.

Mike had successfully changed into his sweats and was curled on his side fast asleep. He looked so peaceful she contemplated if she should wake him. Then she remembered was Dr Sutton had said about proper nutrition and having the fuel to fight.

She sat down next to him and stroked his cheek.

“Mike, sweetie…it’s time to eat”

“Ugh…I’m too tired,” he moaned. He didn’t even open his eyes.

“I know. I know you are but you have to eat…it’s important. Mike!”

“Ugh…ok...ok…I’m up”

He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes.

“You ok?” she asked

“Yeah...just really tired”

He went to stand up but his knees buckled and he ended up back on the bed.

“whoa what’s with that?” He sounded a little shaken up

Rachel knew she needed to be the calm one even though she was feeling slightly panicked.

“Hey ...it’s ok” she said as she came over to him…”you have had a rough few days. How about a picnic in bed tonight?”

She helped him scoot back and lean against the head board.

His breathing was a little spastic and she could tell he was anxious.

“Mike...it’s ok. I’m right here. We will eat dinner and you will feel better…ok?”

“I know…ok,” sounding less than convinced. It amazed him how the confidence he had felt only an hour early had disappeared.

She kissed him on the forehead and went to get dinner. In the kitchen she texted Harvey

Rachel:He is really tired. He tried to get up and fell over./p>

Harvey: Do you need me to come over? Is he ok?

Rachel: No...I mean I don’t think you need to come. He’s really anxious so I’m playing it cool. I just needed to to tell someone.

Harvey: Ok. I’m here if you need me.

Suddenly there was a drop of water on her phone. She hadn’t even realized that she had been crying. She put two bowls of pasta and some salad on a tray and carried into the bedroom. Mike was still sitting up, he looked slightly more relaxed.

“I never thought you would let me eat pasta in bed” he said.

“Well…. Special circumstances and I am putting a towel down.” She laughed.

They ate and talked about her day, her torts professor, her mock trial coming up, he promised to help her prepare. He ate most of what she had given him and that made her feel a little better. After she washed the dishes she came in to check on him and give him a kiss.

She still had some school work she needed to get done tonight….as she got up to go he grabbed her hand. “Rachel?” He said quietly but urgently

“Yes,” she replied.

“Will you just lay with me for a bit?”

Her heart broke into a million pieces, she wasn’t even sure why.

“Of course, I will never say no to that.”

She laid down next to him, wrapped an arm around his waist and put her head on his chest.

“Are you ok?” she whispered after a minute of silence

“Yeah, I think I’m just realizing that this whole process…of fighting...is going to involved me being afraid a lot of the time.”

She hugged him and kissed his neck. “I’m right here with you. I’ve got you. I promise.”

He took a shuddered breath and closed his eyes

Rachel knew she would not be getting any work done tonight. The thought of letting go of Mike was an impossibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want more let me know! It motivates me not to forget about it:))


	3. New Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike gets a port and treatment becomes a reality. Harvey is a source of strength..per usual. Bromance galore and some sweet Mike/ Rachel moments.  
> And of course Mike Harvey banter...how will suits exist without Mike Harvey banter?!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Randomly adding to it when I get time...if you like and want more let me know!

The next couple of days were rather normal. Mike found a loop hole which saved a client millions, over the weekend they had lunch with Rachel’s parents, and now they spent their Sunday afternoon reading on the couch together.

“Tell me” Rachel said. Her head was in Mike’s lap as he was reading

“Tell me what you just read...recite it.”

“What am I a circus pony?” Mike laughed

“Well…you’re my circus pony”

She snatched the book from him…”ok go”

He recited everything word for word

“God that’s hot” she laughed.

“Oh yeah?”....he leaned down and kissed her then suddenly pulled back.

“Hey don’t stop...Mike?” Rachel whined

“I was just thinking…what…what if I lose this...what if the chemo…”

“Mike…I don’t think...”

“They said memory loss is a possibility” he said quietly

“I know…I know…but you are different”, .he was sitting up next to him now.

“But Rachel...this is who I am…what if”

“Mike…even without your memory you are the smartest person I’ve ever known…it will be fine.” She squeezed his hand.

“Yeah?” He looked into her eyes trying to see if she was being honest.

“Yes…you will be fine” and she kissed him deeply.

Tuesday morning Mike went to work early to get some work done before his appointment. He was having a small procedure to put in a port before his chemo. He spent Monday evening fighting with Rachel. He insisted that she didn’t need to miss class for his procedure but she wouldn’t back down.

“Micheal Ross, you are ass if you think I’m not coming” she had yelled at him, while throwing a pillow at his head.

“ow….guy with cancer here,” he joked

Now it was 8am and he had already been at worked for 2.5 hours. He was trying his best to not let this illness affect his career, although at some level he knew it would eventually.

“Hey Kid” Harvey was standing his doorway “you must have gotten in early”

“yeah, I just wanted to wrap some things up...I don’t know how much I’ll get done tomorrow”

“Mike, don’t worry about falling behind...I’ll take care of it”

Mike looked up at Harvey who was now beside him sitting on his desk

“I appreciate that Harvey, I’m not ready to let things go just yet”

Harvey sighed. “It’s just temporary Mike” Harvey paused. “So you have a procedure today right?”

“Ya, its’ supposed to make the chemo process easier”

“Ok, Ray will be downstairs at 10 to bring you and Rachel to the hospital and he’ll be there to bring you back home”

“Thank you Harvey”, Mike looked down at his desk.

“Not necessary kid, just come get me when you are headed out” Harvey got up and headed towards the door.

Mike only nodded.

The next few hours went by in a blur and Mike was thankful for the distraction, getting lost in work felt like a reprieve from his thoughts.

“Mike!” Harvey was suddenly standing in front of him, “Rachel called…she’s downstairs waiting for you. Why aren’t you picking up your phone?”

“Oh, what time is it?” He glanced at his watch ... “shit it’s after 10! I didn’t realize.”

“Come on kid,” Harvey grabbed Mike’s backpack off the chair. He knew it had some things to occupy him during chemo.

Once outside Rachel ran up and hugged him...”jeez Mike...late on the second week?”

“Yeah, sorry” he smiled and kissed her gently.

Harvey handed Mike his bag….”good luck...I’ll stop by in the morning”

Mike nodded...he suddenly wished he could sink into the ground, disappear somehow. He knew why Harvey was coming over…to help Rachel with him...in case it was as bad as last time. He appreciated Harvey but he was dreading going through this again

Harvey seemed to understand that somehow. He put his hand on Mikes shoulder and looked at him. “Think of every Tuesday as a box you can check. Get through this one and you are that much closer to the end.”

“ok” Mike sighed

Harvey exchanged glances with Rachel.

 

**********

The procedure to place the port was pretty painless. The worst part was the local anesthetic. Mike now had a port near his right collar bone. It wasn’t extremely visible and with a suit jacket he didn’t think it would be noticeable. 

“Maybe I should start wearing vests like Harvey, then you defiantly couldn’t notice it.” Mike half joked

Rachel smiled and squeezed his hand “It really isn’t that obvious Mike. No one will say anything.”

He watched the drip drip of the chemo to his side. This was defiantly less uncomfortable than an IV in his arm and he was able to move a little more which was nice. He played scrabble with Rachel, they watched tv, they discussed her mock trial.

Before he knew it he was done and they were on their way home.

Mike felt a little tired but so far that was all.

“Dinner?” Rachel asked when they got home

“I don’t know…I feel ok but maybe I should just wait. You should eat though.”

She just looked at him. “Rachel…go eat...really” he scolded

“Ok...i’m just going to heat up something quick.” She got up from the couch and grabbed a blanket which she placed over him. “Lay down and rest ok? When I’m back we are watching Game of thrones.”

She helped him put his feet up and kissed his forehead.

“Yes boss,” he smiled.

After she ate a small bowl of leftover pasta Rachel joined Mike on the couch. She sat down and moved his head onto her lap. 

“How are you?” she asked as she ran her fingers slowly through his hair.

“I don’t feel nauseous really but my stomach is starting to hurt” he said

“Hurt how?”

“Just some sharp pains every once in a while”

She could tell he was in pain because his words came out in short gasps.

She moved her hand down his back and rubbed small circles

He started to moan quietly

“Oh mike, it’s ok”

“It hurts Rachel”

“I know sweetie, I know. You’ve got this though and I’m right here.”

Mike had his arms wrapped tight around his stomach, like maybe if he could hold himself tight enough he could keep it together. He could keep from disintegrating from the pain.

“I know something that may help” Rachel said as she lifted Mike’s head off her lap. She placed him back down on the pillow and ran her fingers down the side of his cheek, her finger tips tracing the lines left by a few escaped tears.

“I’ll be right back” she whispered. She went to her closet and grabbed her heating pad, it was her go to for stomach cramps and she figured it may be soothing for Mike. She found herself staring at their clothes. Hers and Mikes. Hanging next to each other, granted she had about ¾ of the space but it was their space. It was normal and it was home. She felt herself on the threshold of falling apart. The air in the room seemed denser. “No” she whispered to herself. She couldn’t. Not now. He needed her.

She took a deep breath and headed back to Mike. He was exactly as she had left him, arms clutching at his stomach.

“Here, this heating pad may help” she plugged it in and knelt beside him. “Move your arms sweetie, just for a minute”. She placed the warming heating pad over his shirt and held onto his arm as he hugged himself. ‘There, just breath and try to relax.”

“Thank you Rachel” he said quietly, it sounded like an exhale.

“You don’t need to thank me. Not for this.”

He was just staring at her as she sat on the floor beside the couch. He looked scared in a way she had never seen before and it hurt...damn it hurt to see that look in his eyes.

“Close your eyes Mike. Rest.”

“I c…can’t…or I don’t want too” he replied.

 

She moved her hand to his face, “why?”

“I’m afraid I won’t wake up.” He blinked slowly and took a breath

Rachel felt all of the air leave her lungs, like she had fallen against something hard and was still falling

She had no words. She brought her face to his and kissed his lips. Gently and for what seemed like hours. Somehow she was trying to show him that she was there, really there, and he couldn’t go anywhere if she was holding onto him. “Rest” she whispered, her nose was pressed to his cheek.

Mike closed his eyes and exhaled. Two minutes later she heard his breathing even out. She sat back on her heels. Her feet were numb but she couldn’t bring herself to move.

***********

Why was he upside down? No wait ...he was falling, falling and tumbling head over heels. It was so hot and he was falling so fast...”no...no” he murmured. He heard the sound off rushing water and somehow it was soothing.

“sshh, shh…Mike. It’s ok… wake up” she had fallen asleep leaning up against the couch and his whimpers had woken her up. His head was sweaty and pale. “Mike! Wake up” she said more forcibly.

Suddenly he sat up, eyes wide and searching. He put his hand to his mouth and Rachel grabbed his arm and helped him up. He stumbled to the bath room. He barely made it before he started to vomit violently. The stabbing pain he previously felt in his stomach had ben lit on fire, the pain spread through his stomach into his back. He moaned involuntarily.

Rachel wet a wash cloth and placed it on the back of his neck. This was so much worse than last time. Mike was coughing and crying, both of his hands gripping the toilet. After he threw up every ounce of liquid in his stomach he leaned back against the tub only to start gaging and dry heaving several minutes later. Rachel wrapped her arms around him as he clutched his stomach.

“Oh god...it hurts…I just…want….it to stop.” he cried.

“I know…it will soon… you can do this Mike…you are so strong” she whispered into the back of his neck and she gently rocked him. She could see the window in their room from where she sat, the sunlight was just beginning to saturate the room, it looked like a fog or mist, and it looked surreal. But they had made it through. It was another day.

Harvey knocked several times and after getting no response he decided to use his key. He knew Mike had to be home. Maybe Rachel had left early? He wanted to check in on Mike before going to the office, although he did bring his laptop to work here if needed. He wasn’t sure what kind of shape Mike would be in today.

As he entered the apartment he noted how quiet it was. “Mike? Rachel?” No answer. He headed towards the bed room and saw the still made bed. Now he started to worry. Was Mike in the hospital? Did something happen? Rachel would have called…right? And that’s when he saw them. Rachel leaning up against the tub with Mike curled up on the bathroom rug. His head lay in her lap, his hands intertwined with hers. They looked so young, Harvey thought. Young and exhausted. It must have been a long night.

“Rachel”, Harvey whispered as he gently touched her shoulder. She opened her eyes suddenly, as if she had just been waiting for something, adrenaline waiting just at the edge of her sleep. 

“Oh Harvey…hi...”

“Hi,” Harvey smiled…”rough night?” He looked down at Mike.

“Yeah, yeah it was. His stomach was hurting him so much Harvey and he just couldn’t stop retching. It went on for hours and after he was too weak and tired to move.”

“Oh Rachel, you could of called me”

“I know Harvey... I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was just...it just hurts to see him like this.” She looked down at a sleeping Mike. His face glistened with sweat and he shook slightly.

“I know.” Harvey squeezed her free hand. “Let’s get him to bed, ok?”

Rachel nodded and removed her hand from Mike’s.

“Hey kid?” Harvey said as he pat Mike’s cheek

Mike moaned but didn’t open his eyes

“Come on sleeping beauty let’s get you to your thrown” Harvey said gently.

“Harvey?” Mike said confusedly. His voice was horse. “why are you in my bathroom?”

“I think the question is...why have you confused your bathroom with your bedroom?” Harvey smiled.

“Come on” Harvey grabbed Mike’s arm and pulled him up to sitting. Then in one graceful movement he slung Mike’s arm around his shoulder and they were both standing. They were able to navigate to the bed fairly easily and Rachel had the blankets turned down for him. Mike immediately lay down with his head on the pillow.

Harvey put a hand on his shoulder “not so fast buddy, you really should drink something and try to take some meds”

“I’m so tired Harvey” Mike whispered He was sitting up with his head against the head board.

“Harvey is right, Mike...I’ll be right back.” Rachel squeezed his leg and then headed for the kitchen.

Harvey sat on the bed next to Mike. Mike’s eyes were starting to flutter closed.. “Hey, hey kid…not yet”. He put his hand on Mike’s arm.

Mike’s eyes opened. The kid looked exhausted; the slight mischievous sparkle in his eyes was gone. He looked so depleted. Without thinking Harvey grabbed his hand. “You need to drink kid, ok?”

“I know…ok Harvey”

Harvey squeezed his hand and Mike weakly squeezed back. This should have been awkward but it wasn’t. “You’re doing great Mike, I’m proud of you.” Harvey said quietly as he looked down at their hands.

He never would have imagined this moment of their friendship. It was surreal.

Rachel walked in and smiled at the sight of these two men holding hands. She knew how much of a resource Harvey’s strength was for Mike. It was as if whatever Harvey said was law. It was set in stone. If he said Mike was strong and would get through this then Mike believed it. Some part of her wished Mike felt this way about her but she knew on some level he would always try to be strong for her, to protect her, it was in his nature.

“Here…drink all of this Mike and slowly” she handed Harvey an electrolyte drink with a straw. Harvey held it up for Mike as Mike’s hands shook slightly. “Easy kid...slowly”.

Half way through she handed him some pain medication and anti-nausea drugs. 

Once Rachel gave him the ok Mike curled up on his side and fell into a deep sleep. Harvey looked up at Rachel as she stared at Mike. “Rachel…go to class. I’ll stay. “

“Harvey...I can’t…after last night...i can’t leave”

“Rachel” he grabbed her hand. ”I brought work...I promise I will be here if he needs anything. You can’t start missing class, not at the beginning like this”.

“You mean...because it’s only going to get worse?” She asked. Harvey could see the sadness in her eyes.

“It is going to get harder before it gets better, yes. But I meant that Mike would feel horribly guilty if he was the reason you fell behind. You know how he carries all of the world’s problems on his shoulders” Harvey smiled at her.

“That does sound about right” she smiled back and squeezed his hand before she released it.

“Ok, but please text me if he needs me...or if...”

“Rachel, it’s fine...go to class”

*****************************

15 minutes later Rachel was gone and Harvey was in the kitchen checking his emails. He also sent a text to Donna letting her know that he wouldn’t be in today.

She replied with only “Take good care of our pup”.

Harvey wasn’t sure how good of care he was extending towards Mike but he was watching out for him. He always had been. 

Several hours passed and Harvey amazed himself with how much work he could get done when he was focused. Truth was he had been doing some of Mike’s work as well, he didn’t want to pass it on to other associates and create office chatter. Mike had enough to worry about.

Around 1:00pm Harvey looked up to see Mike standing in the door way. “Well, he princess has emerged from her palace” Harvey smirked.

“Yeah? What does that make you? My page boy?” Mike smiled.

“Oh you should be so lucky” Harvey laughed as he pulled out the chair next to him. “Sit, I was about to make lunch”. Harvey placed a glass of water in front of Mike and turned to start heating some soup.

“Harvey” Mike murmured his voice was hoarse. “You don’t have to stay”

“Mike…I don’t HAVE to do anything. I’m Harvey Spector I only do what I want”

‘Oh...I thought that was Cartman” Mike laughed.

“Ha very funny…seriously though…let’s eat lunch then you can help me with the Martinez case” Harvey knew that work was the best way to help Mike feel normal.

Mike appreciated what Harvey was doing; it was transparent as hell but still appreciated. Mike was happy to lose himself in work for a while and that combined with lunch was starting improve his mood. He enjoyed bantering with Harvey as they worked well into the afternoon. 24 hours ago he had thought he was dying and now he was here with Harvey. This was his new reality…his temporary reality…he was struck with a sudden sense of strength. He knew he could do this.


	4. Something Wasn’t Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little twist

Mike had been undergoing Chemo for 4 weeks, it wasn’t necessarily getting easier but he was accustomed to the process now, accustomed to being that guy with cancer.

He hadn’t missed too much work either, even if it was often done from his sofa rather than at the office, work focused him and gave him purpose.

On this day he was at work. He had been battling a headache since last night but decided to push through it and come in. The distraction had helped some but now…at 4 o’clock...Something wasn’t right. 

The edges of Mike’s vision started to darken. Maybe he was just over tired, he thought. He decided to close his eyes for a few minutes to see if it got better. He placed his head on his desk and let his eye lids fluttered closed. At this point he didn’t even care if anyone saw him; he just wanted to make it through the rest of the day.

Twenty minutes later he woke up feeling a little less anxious…but it was so dark. ‘Why was it so dark?, He thought. ‘Someone would of woke me...if? ‘ That’s when he realized that his eyes were open. His eyes were open and it was dark. He could make out the light from the window and some shadows but that was all. His pulse was racing and he was starting to sweat...panic was flooding over him. He grabbed for his phone and dialed Harvey’s extension.

“Mike? Done with your nap….did you think…”

“Harvey!” Mike interrupted breathlessly

“Mike? Hey...what’s…”

“Harvey...I can’t see! I closed my eyes for a few minutes and now I can’t see….Harvey. ..I don’t know…I’m…”

Just then Harvey burst into his office followed by Donna…

“Mike!” Harvey knelt in front of him and grabbed his hand which was sweaty and shaking. “Donna call his Dr tell him we are on our way in…”

Donna grabbed Mike’s phone and started dialing…after the past few months she had memorized Dr Stutton’s number. This made her feel even sadder as she dialed.

Harvey held Mikes wrist...he could feel his pulse racing under his fingertips. The kid was really freaking out.

“Mike” Harvey said calmly. “You have read everything about these chemo treatments...you know this can be a side effect…don’t be a pussy”

“Harvey!” Mike said loudly….he did not find Harvey’s banter amusing at this moment.

“Mike...breathe and tell me what else you remember about potential blindness from chemo?” He was trying to get Mike to focus.

“That it’s usually temporary….”

“Yes, temporary...ok? I’ll bring you in to get checked out….just keep reminding yourself of that….ok?”

“O.K...Harvey…it’s still fucking terrifying though” Mike half laughed.

“I can’t even imagine kid” Harvey squeezed Mike’s wrist and stood up.

“I am going to go back to my office and grab my stuff...I’ll…”

“No need” Donna appeared with Harvey’s briefcase. Harvey hadn’t even noticed that she had left.

Dr Sutton knows that you are coming...she handed Harvey his briefcase and grabbed Mike’s cell phone and a bottle of water to put in Mikes messenger bag, which she also handed to Harvey.

Harvey looked up at her and nodded. Both of them feeling the same heartbreak for the kid but unable to say it. Harvey stood and put Mike’s bag over his own shoulder “Well this is the first and last time anyone will see me with a messenger bag” he smirked.

“Too bad I’m missing it “said Mike...forcing himself to smile.

“I’ll take a photo for you Mike” Donna said as she snapped a picture. She hoped they would look back at this someday and laugh…she couldn’t wait for that day.

“Alright, let’s go Mike…just take my arm.”

Mike stood and cautiously moved out from behind his desk.

“Go around to your left a little..” Harvey then grabbed Mike’s hand and placed it on his forearm. He could tell the kid was scared….his muscles were so tense.

“I’m never gonna live this down” Mike said shakily

Just then Donna reappeared…”don’t worry about any of that Mike. Everyone is in the conference room at the other end of the hall”

“And Donna? Why is everyone in the conference room at the end of the hall? And how do you keep disappearing like that” Harvey asked.

“Number one….I’m Donna. Number two there is a big emergency meeting” She winked at Harvey.

“Thanks Donna”, Mike said quietly as Harvey led him past her. She stopped them and kissed Mike on the cheek. “You got this Mike Ross. Everything is and will be ok,” she whispered in his ear.

Harvey led Mike down the hall to the elevators. Donna stayed in Mike’s office and stared out the window. She couldn’t stop the tears that slid down her cheeks. After one self-indulgent minute she wiped her cheeks and straightened her skirt. It was time for her to cancel an emergency meeting.

Mike sat in the taxi with his head back against the seat, he kept clenching and relaxing his hands. He felt like he wanted to jump out of his skin, the anxiety was overwhelming.

Harvey could feel the stress emanating off of Mike but he had no idea how to make it better. This situation sucked and no one could change it right now. He didn’t want to tell Mike it would be ok because right now he knew it wasn’t. So he just sat there, watching Mike clench his fists as the city rushed by.

When they arrived at the medical offices Harvey helped Mike navigate. Mike was holding the fabric on Harvey’s forearm so forcefully that he was leaving a damp spot from his sweaty palm. Harvey flashed to a time when this would of bothered him, to a time when the cost of his suits was forefront in his mind. Now, none of that mattered. All that mattered was the skinny, kind, genius kid who was holding onto him, scared out of his mind.

Once in the waiting room, Renee, Dr. Sutton’s nurse met them with a wheel chair. ‘Hi, Michael” she said as she touched his arm. “I have a wheel chair to your left. Why don’t you have a seat. It may make you a little more comfortable for now”

Mike didn’t move. “it’s ok” said Harvey. I’m not going anywhere but this may be a little easier….for now”

Mike felt for the chair and lowered himself. He felt utterly defeated. Things seemed to have escalated right when he felt like he got a handle on this, right when he felt like he could beat it. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He knew it would be Rachel. He couldn’t seem to move or speak. He couldn’t deal with anything at this moment. He had never wanted to disappear so much in his life.

The phone stopped buzzing. Then it was Harvey’s turn. Harvey saw that it was Rachel and picked up immediately. He didn’t even let her speak. “It’s ok, we are at Dr. Sutton’s now….ok”

“Mike, it’s Rachel…she”

Mike just shook his head.

“Rachel, we are just going into the room now…ok…I’ll tell him…no, I won’t leave….bye”

“Mike, she is on her way from Ct now.”

Mike didn’t say a word. The kid didn’t even look scared anymore. It was like the wheelchair took whatever spark he had left away. He suddenly looked sick, like a cancer patient, he looked hopeless.

Harvey took a sharp breath. Possible futures for Mike glimmered in his mind and he suddenly felt nauseated. Renee wheeled Mike into the exam room and took his vitals. She was calm and sweet but could not get a response out of him. She turned to Harvey, “his vitals are good. The Doctor will be in shortly” she smiled at Harvey and left the room.

Harvey stood behind Mikes chair and placed his hands on his shoulders. He bent down and spoke close to his ear. “I don’t know what to say to make this better for you. I can see you giving up before my eyes. Please don’t kid. Please don’t.” He moved his hands to gently squeeze Mike’s neck.

Mike exhaled. “I’m just tired Harvey. I’ve been tired since my parents died, since I got kicked out of Harvard, since Grammy died…I don’t know if I have anything left…I…”

Just then the door opened.

 

“Rachel, Rachel!”

Rachel heard her name being called someplace in her periphery as she ran through Grand Central but she didn’t care. She needed to get to Mike.

Suddenly someone grabbed her shoulder. “Damn girl, you can sure run in heels” Donna said as she spun Rachel around.

‘Oh Donna. Sorry… I” 

“I know, I know honey. That’s why I’m here. I’ve got Ray outside…he will bring us to Mike”

Rachel fell into Donna’s arms. “Thank you” she sobbed as all of her emotions suddenly overwhelmed her.

“I can’t believe this is happening. All of this...and now...Donna, this can’t happen”

“I know sweetie…let’s just get to those boys okay? We can do this” Donna said as she held Rachel tight.

They exited the terminal holding hands and fought through the rain to Ray’s awaiting car.

 

Rachel and Donna arrived just as Dr Sutton was headed out of the office. She was holding the New York Times over her head to shield her from the rain.

Donna spotted her first. “Doctor!” she yelled as she pulled Rachel over to her.

“Rachel...Donna...Hi…Let’s go back in…get out of the rain”

As soon as they were in the vestibule Dr. Sutton started, she could see the worry drenching Rachel’s face.

“He’s ok. He is blind in both eyes but I am confident that it is from the treatment. And that it will be temporary. My staff is filling out some paper work now and I am having Mike transferred to the hospital overnight just to run some tests and rework his treatment plan. I will check in with them later and in the morning. Harvey should be down soon with him. “She took a breath and saw how Donna was rubbing Rachel’s back. 

“He’s a tough young man. This is a tough situation. Let him feel bad about this just not for too long, don’t let him get hopeless. I know he was a lot of support just make sure he feels that...even if it seems like the last thing he wants”.

“Thank you Doctor” Rachel said quietly. And Dr. Sutton headed back out into the rain.

 

Harvey was pushing Mike down the corridor when he heard the distinct sound of Donna’s Louboutons. He looked up in time to see Rachel running towards them.

“Hey Rachel” Harvey said loudly so that she wouldn’t startle Mike. He stopped the wheelchair just in time for Rachel to throw her arms around Mike’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here…I’m so sorry” she whispered into his ear

“It’s ok Rachel…I’m…I’ll be ok” his voice cracked slightly and Harvey squeezed his shoulder.

Rachel held his face in her hands. “I spoke with Dr. Sutton so we are up to date…She said this is temporary but I know that doesn’t change how terrifying this must be” she rubbed her thumb over his tear stained cheek.

‘I’ve had better days” he laughed through his tears. She kissed his lips gently and then stood back and grabbed his hand. Rachel looked over to Harvey who looked more worn out than she had ever seen him. She also noticed Donna had her hand on his arm.

“Let’s go” she said. Harvey just nodded and pushed Mike down the hall. Rachel held onto Mike and Donna’s hand lingered near Harvey’s arm. They were in this together. Even without sight Mike felt it.


End file.
